Of Threesomes and Love
by fatelesskitten
Summary: Lately their relationship has gotten a bit boring. Naruto has an idea to change that. crack. Now with smutty fun in the second chapter. KyuubiSasuNaru
1. Of Threesomes and Love

**title:** Of Threesomes and Love

**characters:** Sasuke, Naruto and surprise character

**pairing:** ?SasuNaru

**disclaimer:** do not blame me for your brain damage.still not mine. damn.

**warning: **a bit of crude language and something I can't say because it would ruin the surprise. dialog only.

Author's note: This was inspired by a conversation I had with Shaitanah. Do not blame her though, because it was entirely my sick brain that came up with it.

* * *

"Sasuke..."

"What is it, dobe?"

"Don't call me dobe you bastard!"

"I only call things by their name."

"Tch, sometimes I wonder why I'm still with you."

"Hn."

"See! That's the problem with you! We've been together for three years now, and I think we've probably only had about four conversations that lasted longer than five minutes."

"Hn."

"ARGH!! See what I mean? And anyway at least at the beginning the sex made up for your lack in the voice department. But these days it's only ever a quickie on the bed. Or the table. Or against the wall."

"Are you trying to imply I suck in bed??"

"I'm not 'trying to imply', I'm saying it outright. Face it, you've gotten boring. The Sharingan only makes up for so much you know?"

"Well, I'm not seeing you trying to do something different either! Contrary to what you may think, a big dick does not make for instant gratification."

"It so does! It's not my fault you're not man enough to take me on!"

"You little..."

"But anyway! What I'm trying to say is that I think we should include someone else in this."

"...What?"

"These last months I've been talking to someone who I think would be perfect for it. He's full of the passion and fire of youth! And I think he can do things with his body the two of us could only ever dream of."

"And who might this fiery fellow be? And stop channeling that green freak, would you."

"Uhm. Well, he and I have a really long history with each other you know. We didn't always get along but lately we started bonding over beauty tips. He told me about this awesome trick to get lipstick to last through the entire day!"

"Who. is. it."

"Itskyuubi."

"Just think of it! We would never have to fight about the covers after sex again. We could just cuddle into his fur and be done with it! And think of all those tails! What he could **do** with them. There are nine of them you know! That's one for every dick and some to hold up legs and others to do other things. We could basically do the entire Kama Sutra!"

"..."

"I'll give you a blowjob if you agree? And a week of me not talking?"

"Okay. Let's do it."

"Oh, Sasuke! I love you! Trust me you won't regret this."

"Hn."  
--

Somewhere inside Naruto in a cage smelling of Ramen and beauty products an ancient impossibly evil fox smirked.

Then he started to apply his mascara and looking for his favorite thong. Life was good while he waited for the things to c(u)ome.

I'm so sorry for this... But Kyuubi needs more love in this world!


	2. Of Jealousy, Threesomes and Fur

**title:** Of Jealousy, Threesomes and Fur

**characters:** Sasuke, Naruto , Kyuubi

**pairing:** KyuubiSasuNaru

**disclaimer:** do not blame me for your brain damage.still not mine. damn.

**warning: **a bit of crude language. actually a lot of crude language. dialog only.

**Author's note: **So, I was bored and decided to write a sequel for Of Threesomes and Love. It's probably even crackier than the first part so don't read it if you value your brain.

* * *

"Ah…"

"Oh, yes."

"Ah! Oh, there!"

"You like that?"

"YES! You're amazing… the best I ever had."

"Hehehehe…"

"….excuse me? So HE is the best you ever had? Then what about me? You know your boyfriend of three sex and ramen filled years."

"Oh, shut up Sasuke. It's not my fault you're only sitting over there glaring at us instead of joining the fun. There are three tails left for you!"

"Hn. …wait. Three? Out of NINE? Where are the other six? I only see two being used right now!"

"Uhm. Hahahah. Do you really want to know? I mean I know that you sometimes get a bit jealous, so I . OH GOD YES! DO THAT AGAIN, KYUU-CHAN!"

"Of course, Naru-chan. Who is your fashionable demon fox? WHO IS IT?"

"AH! Ahhhhh, mhmmm…"

"Who is your fashion guru? Who knows how to work that thong?"

"You are! And you do! But please do that thing with your tail again!"

"Uhm. Which one?"

"The one on the bottom right!"

"…that one?"

"NO! That tickled actually. And not in a pleasant way either. I meant the one besides it! The one you dyed pink earlier!"

"That one?"

"OH! No-o. But that one isn't bad either. Continue like that…"

"Mwuahahahhahaha, I'm the love guru!"

"Oh god. I think I'm going to be sick. Why didn't I decide to angst in some corner crying about my dead family and cruel fate instead of watching this?"

"Oh, shut up Uchiha!"

"Oh, SHUT UP BASTARD!"

"…I feel unloved. If only my brother was still alive I could chase after him and be the broody and handsome avenger with everyone going after my ass who has at least one bad-guy bone in their body."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Kyuu-chan! Why didn't we do this sooner?"

"…excuse me? Weren't you listening to my angsty and touching monologue just now? Where's my hug?"

"Because you were still with that emo-head until now. But we can catch up now, my Naru-chan."

"Hello? Are you ignoring me? Me? The hottest bitch in all of Ninja-land?"

"Fuck yes! Oh,….. Sasuke? Did you say something?"

"No. I didn't. Just ignore me and have your fun. With someone else."

"Thanks Sasuke! I knew you would understand! YES! I think I'm almost at my limit! Get away your fur Kyuu-chan I heard semen is a bitch to get out again!"

"But! How are you going to finish without me?"

"Uhm. Sasuke? Lend me a hand here?"

"…"

"Please?"

"Sigh. Whatever. Give the thing to me."

"Ohhhhhhh SASUKE!"

"Hn. So, who's the best you ever had now, idiot?"

"AHHHHHHHHH!! You both are!"

"Not exactly what I wanted to hear idiot. But I guess you're forgiven. …wait. Hey! Kyuubi! Stop touching me with your tails!"

"And why is that Uchiha-chan? You don't like it? Mwuahahahahahhahaha."

"Damn right I don't! So get your furry self awa- Ahhhhhhhhh."

"So, who's your love guru Uchiha-chan?"

"…you are Kyuu-chan."

"Heheheheh, that's what I thought."

--

After a bit of reluctance on Sasuke's part the night turned out to be fabulous fun that would be repeated several times in the future. At least until both Sasuke and Naruto got tired of finding stray fur in uncomfortable places all the time and decided to stick to just the two of them in bed. Missionary style.


End file.
